Is Sex Addiction real? What is nymphomania?

There is of course NOTHING wrong with enjoying and desiring sex, we are all born through the act of having sex, every living thing on the planet is born through sex.

At the beginning of the human species we needed numbers, numbers enable any species to survive, to survive natural disasters, pandemics and climate change. During the infancy of the human race, having multiple sexual partners was the norm, we simply would not be here if that wasn’t the case.

But as with all things, It is about balance.

In the mid spectrum, some people may be considered promiscuous and “love” sex to the point where they have many partners, perhaps even concurrently. This can obviously lead to problems, particularly in relationships but still would not constitute an addiction

However, when something becomes extreme, to the point of obsession it may well have entered the realms of addiction.

For sex addicts the obsession and need for sex often results in the loss of relationships because they cannot stop themselves having sex at any opportunity even with someone they don’t like or are not even really attracted to, it is more akin to using another person as a glorified masturbation tool. The lies told to cover up their activities usually exacerbate the problems.

Are the SYMPTOMS of sex addiction different for men and women?

There are far more similarities than differences.

Any sex addict will likely relate to some or all of the following indications:

Engaging in repetitive, compulsive or even obsessional sexual activities that take priority over their own health, work or personal relationships

Continued sexually inappropriate behaviour despite negative consequences or lack of satisfaction

A pattern of trying and failing to stop or reduce engaging in negative sexual behaviour

Feelings such as guilt, shame and/or detachment around sex

Having a feeling of “falling in love” with almost any partner.

 

Perhaps the only major difference with sex addiction in women (or nymphomania as it was more commonly referred to historically) is they often maintain denial by assuming that sex addiction is something that only happens to men.

ALL Sex addicts (and nymphomaniacs) tend to feel or believe the following fallacies:-

There is something really wrong with me.

Blaming yourself is a common reaction but the truth is there isn’t some major failing on your part, many factors contribute to addiction (and sex addiction in women is particularly complicated due to the longstanding misconceptions and stigma about women and sex/sexuality).

I am totally alone in this.

NO! You really are not, this is far more common than you may imagine. Reach out for professional help individually or through the relevant fellowships and you will see how true this is.

Deep down I must just be a slut or man whore.

I highly doubt it! What do those terms really mean? They are just labels exacerbated by social stigma and opinion which in truth has little or no basis in fact.

This is hopeless I am never going to be able to change.

You were not born with this issue and what we are not born with, can always be changed with effort and the right help.

As with all addictions, LINK the root lies in childhood experiences, particularly traumatic experiences. The condition is especially common in children who were sexually abused, they are in effect, replaying their childhood traumas in adult life (hence the term acting out). Children who have been sexually abused often react in the extremes becoming either sex addicts or prudish, frigid, perhaps even celibate.

Is Sex Addiction more common in men or women?

Officially Sex addiction is probably more common in men and love addiction LINK probably more common in women but these types of addictions have no respect for gender and affect both men and women and in my personal clinical experience the split is fairly equal.

It is interesting to note that one third of all visitors to porn sites are female and the numbers are increasing!

Pornography (PORN) Addiction

Again there is a debate as to whether this constitutes sex addiction or is even an addiction at all but as mentioned previously if something alters your mood and has entered the realms of obsession, chances are you are facing an addiction.

This particular issue has become an increasing problem since the advent of the internet and the wider availability of such gratification.

Whilst once again there is no inherent problem with being aroused by pornographic images or videos in moderation, partners of those individuals with issues around pornography often feel rejected, unwanted and betrayed and it is not therefore uncommon for it to cause the breakdown of relationships.

For those of you in need of help, Contact us Now

If you are concerned you may have issues with sex addiction, nymphomania or porn addiction, contact us now for an initial assessment consultation.

For further information and help, try the relevant 12-step fellowships here

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)

Or

Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) https://saauk.info/en/

Further Reading

Don’t Call it Love by Dr Patrick Carnes

Out of the Shadows by Dr Patrick Carnes